Not everyone will be so gentle.

Not everyone was born with the gift of gab; in fact, when it comes to telling someone bad news, most people tend to blow it seven ways from Sunday, so to speak. It’s hard to deliver bad news. Between figuring out how to do it and anticipating the negative reaction, it’s enough to clam anyone up.

Still, bad news must be delivered. It’s a dirty job, but someone’s gotta do it, right? Some get to the point, and some dilly dally with the bad news deliverance. We all know the expression, “Don’t kill the messenger,” and that’s completely affected our ability to drop the bomb. “What if they scream at us? What if they kill the messenger and I’m the messenger!?”

Here are a few lines you can expect to hear from the zodiac signs when they have to unveil the bad news to you, no matter what it is.

ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

“You’re wrong. That’s all. You lost, you didn’t win, you suck and we want nothing to do with you.” (And that’s Aries being “delicate.”)

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

“Look, bro, I know you mean well, but the truth is that everything you’re doing is wrong. Do yourself a favor and stay out of it. Your work here is done.”

GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)

“Well, um, someone kind of died, and well, they may have been someone you knew, like, your dad, so, um, you probably knew that guy, right? Well, yeah. Dad’s um, dead, yeah.”

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

“Our friendship is over. I don’t trust you and I won’t give you another chance. We are through here. Goodbye forever.”

LEO (July 23 – August 22)

“I hate to tell you, but you lost to me. Yes, I know you tried hard, but you can’t dull my shine, and my shine is what ended you. Take care, loser. Better luck next time, eh?”

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

“Nothing bad happened. Everything is fine. You’re alright. Nobody died. Just don’t worry about it; it’s all okay.”

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

“I’m sorry, sweetie, but something really bad has happened. I’ll have to charge you for that. Double.”

SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)

“First, I had nothing to do with this. Your house is on fire, it’s burning to the ground, and I’m sure it’s arson, but I had nothing to do with it. I swear. No, I mean it. I wasn’t involved.”

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

“Okay, a bad thing happened. Now, what can you do to undo that damage? Is it possible that on some level you caused this, because, you know, we ARE responsible for our lives.”

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

“I hate to say it, but I told you so. Your bed, now lie in it, sucker.”

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

“First, the good news: You’re still alive. And now, the bad news: You’ll be dead by Friday.”

PISCES (February 19 – March 10)

“I’m sorry to tell you this, but you have to find out sooner or later: I’m the worst person in the world and you should totally feel sorry for me. Thanks.”


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