Do you wonder what makes marriages crumble? Why do some stand the test of time and emerge victorious after several storms? Well, one of the reasons must be pride. Whenever one has forgotten his or her promise and betrayed a partner, the other or what is also known as the victim or aggrieved party, is placed in a very important position of deciding whether to forgive the unforgivable act or person and still see beyond the weakness, a future together. And, if the one who committed the betrayal can swallow his or her pride and work towards attaining forgiveness and trust once again, then there must be hope (for reconciliation). Pride must absolutely be absent in a resilient relationship.
They say nothing is everlasting, not even the most profound or amazing love. But what not many understand is perhaps the idea that romantic relationships or marriages require work. Unromantic as it may sound, having a relationship means being obligated to another to make him or her happy for the rest of your lives. Since many who live in Qatar must be in some kind of relationship (long-distance or not) of some sort, here are few insights on how to make the most of your deepest regard for one another:
Success in relationships is effort-based.
Not to be bitter but you’d often see couples who seemingly look content and having the best moments on their IG and Facebook accounts, but in their own private spaces must be as cold and as far apart as islands in a spat. Just like the rewards that one has for achieving something from work or studies, couples need external validation from friends and followers through their posts.
For love to be as shallow and limiting as that, people tend to undermine the true joy of being as carefree and selfless with another person. To continue with the comparison with employment or career, you should also be as committed and have a determined spirit and a vision when it comes to your love life.
Promises are made to be broken, but they don’t have to be. If you make a reservation in a nice restaurant with your ‘the one,’ you should see it through with you being in the moment. Remove your gadgets and give your attention solely to your partner. Look deeply into his or her eyes. Did your heart skip a beat, as before? This is the person you made the vow to love and cherish. There’s a slow mo of memories past when you stood together and signed that contract. Also, there’s a fast-forward of the bittersweet experiences you’ll share as you grow old together. Have that clarity of vision as you help your husband or wife in everyday struggles, be it with the kids, the distance, monetary problems, or the in-laws and extended families.
Go back to the start.
Humans are forgetful. A Chinese proverb says, ‘the palest ink is better than the sharpest memories’. That seems to be true, especially when you don’t remember how special it once was in the first few dates and the getting-to-know-each-other stage. It can still be special if you want to.
What made you pursue this self-reliant lady? What made you say “yes” to this practical guy? If you feel that there’s no more spark in your interaction, don’t look for another outlet. Stay and remember how it used to be. If you have trouble recollecting, reminisce with your partner. Enjoy your conversations.
Repeat.
There’s this charming guy who would repeatedly tell his friends that he kisses his wife seven times a day and says, “I love you” as well. Sounds not much to you, right? But the consistency to which he follows this rule to himself makes his marriage successful! Let me tell you, my friend, it works. It is believed that women fall in love through their ears, so for his wife to hear those love words uttered cheerily (or not) makes her love him more. There’s also this amazing book which describes four types of personality and how to deal with sanguine, phlemagtic, choleric, and melancholic. It can help you in showing your love language to your partner more easily and clearly because not everyone has the same way of showing their affection.
As a whole, to make love and marriage last, there should be the absence of pride but the conspicuousness of work – that includes commitment, remembrance, and repetition. Love wisely!
By Jin
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